Fred the Elf

By Neal Richards with the permission of Str8mayb 
© 2008 by Str8mayb

It had been a very nice off season for Fred.  His new wife was expecting, and his father-in-law was now at least tolerating Fred, since he seemed to have the Council's support and especially since Santa himself had taken a real liking to Fred.  Now that the sun had risen, the things at the North Pole began to gear up for the big day in about nine months.  [Christmas, Jeez©]

Santa called Fred into his office... again, "Ho.  Ho.  Ho.  Well Fred, like I told you last time, I am very proud of you. Since you were able to find someone with the Christmas Spirit last year, I am going to ask for your help again this year.  I have an even bigger 'Quest' for you now.  You were only 100 when I came here to the Pole.  Well, my time here is almost expired.  I need you to begin searching for my replacement... the next Santa.  Now there are a few things you need to know..."

It was two hours later that a stunned Elf, named Fred, emerged from the Office.  He wandered about for a while then he finally went home.  Beatrice was waiting for him with a large human size mug of hot chocolate with those tiny marshmallows floating on top, and a nice crisp but chewy cookie (Biscuit for you Brits).  "You look a bit nackered; come over here and sit by me, and tell us all about it."  Beatrice patted the love seat, and encouraged him.  His six human sons, who had certainly grown in the past year, were all in the family room.  Fred took several sips of his hot chocolate.  The boys were getting anxious, waiting to hear what the Big Guy had said.

"I have to go find someone."

"But Fred, dear, you had to do that last year."

"Yeah, Dad." the six boys chorused.

"I can't say more, but it is going to make last year seem like a picnic in the park." Fred hung his head.  I am supposed to work on this project until it is done.  I got the Big Guy to allow me some time here, but a lot of the time I will be gone.  I'm really worried about this one.  I need to pack and tell Bart we will be leaving pretty soon.  I am really going to miss you.  Here," Fred gave his wife and each of his boys what looked like a cell phone.  "These are magic and will allow us to be in contact at all times.  They have two modes; In the normal mode, it functions just like a regular phone, but if you put your finger on the back in that little depression, you will be able to the call any person that has one of these just by thinking about them.  His phone will signal him so he can put his finger on it in the special spot.  Then you just think back and forth to each other.  Now everybody, put your fingers on your phone, where I showed you, then look at each person and try not to laugh." Of course everyone giggled uncontrollably.

They all finally calmed down and were soon filled with thoughts from each other.  'Okay, now, remove your fingers.' "That was pretty wild.  Now, I'm going to be leaving in the morning so why don't we all go outside and have some fun!"

Fred and the six boys were soon outside in their warm red fur trimmed coats having a free for all snowball battle and were soon joined by their friends. Humans may have a bit more range, but Elves have a deadly aim, if fact, they simply can't miss. It must be the magic.  When it got going pretty well, Fred quietly left and went back home to Beatrice, leaving the youngsters to enjoy their fun.  "Oh, Fred you are soaked!"

"Of course, I was the Number One Target.  Those boys have really grown. I think they must have been practicing, They are getting to be almost as good as proper Elves, and their range is amazing."

"Yes and I am doing some growing too.  Another three months and we will have a new member to add to the family. [Jeez© guys, they're elves!  Six months not nine months.  Jeez©.]  Will you be back when the time comes?"

"Yes Bea, Santa gave us the phones, so I would be sure to get back.  Bart has been working on his time warping and we can get here quick as a wink."  Bea and Fred talked about their upcoming addition, and their growing boys.

Early the next morning Fred and Bartholomew left on their mission.  Fred had made a list and checked it twice. When they arrived at their first stop, Fred surveyed the area, putting away his transit and folding up the tripod, he grinned, there was no one in sight.  "Bart I have a really huge problem.  The reason Santa had us out looking for the Christmas Spirit was to see how well we were at searching for the true essence of humans.  It was a test.  Now we are on the real mission.  I tried to tell him that Jesse found me; I didn't find her and he just laughed and said I was perfect.  Jeez©."  [Now cut that out TSL.  I own the copyright and it's my story, so there, Jeez©.] {I can't 'Goos' won't let me :)}

Bart looked at Fred questioningly (That's a big word we used in school last week. And hey, I didn't say 'peacefully', like Vincent always says.  Kewl huh?), "Yeah, I'm supposed to find the next Santa."

Bart stumbled and looked at Fred like he'd lost his mind.  "Yup, and to add to it, not just Santa but the Mrs. has to meet standards too.  Now contrary to the stories you see in the movies and on TV we have to find someone who has recently died or is about to die.  The magic you see brings him back to life as Santa and will bring his wife back too.  The big thing is they must both meet the personality standards.  Santa said that couple only comes every two hundred years or so and he doesn't want to serve another two hundred years, he wants to go on and so does Mrs. Claus."

Fred was pacing.  Bart was worried because he had never seen his friend so upset.  "And to make matters worse, we can't tell ANYBODY what we are doing.  If the rest of the guys at the pole knew what we were doing it would disrupt everything.  Everyone so loves Santa and wouldn't want to see him leave, but he deserves to be able to retire so he and the Mrs. can go on to paradise together." 

Bart snorted to warn Fred there were people coming.  It was Jessie and a following of five or six children.  "Stay close and invisible," Fred told Bartholomew. 

Fred joined the children and went on down the street to the playground.  The children went to play and left Jessie and Fred alone.  "Well, my word!  Look who has come to visit.  You look good.  How is your beautiful Bride?  And those handsome boys of yours?"

"Oh they are all fine; Beatrice is due in a few months."

"My word, child, you are a fast worker!"  Jessie laughed.

A blushing Elf replied, "Ah, not really, Jessie.  For Elves its six months not nine like you humans."

"Oh, well then, right on schedule then.  Don't want her papa all upset, do we?"

Fred shuddered at the thought, "Right now he is pleased with things.  I just hope we have a normal child not a hideous creature like myself."

"Aww, you're not so bad sweetie," and of course she just had to pinch his cheeks.

"Jessie, I'm spoken for and about three hundred years to old too.  I came because I've got a problem."

"I know Fred.  He told me about it at Christmas.  He said I'd probably get a visit.  Well, If you were thinking me for Mrs. And my man as him, you'd better forget it.  George Washington was a good man and he done good for me and the young'uns, but he didn't believe.  He believed in himself and hard work.  I ain't even sure he believed in God and I know he thought I was a bit touched in December every year.  But he loved me and let it be."

Fred frowned, "You have any ideas where I can look?  Everybody thinks I am wonderful for finding you.  I've tried to tell them I had given up and was sitting over there when you found me.  They think that was a stroke of genius and it was just dumb luck."

"Nope.  Don't you go thinkin' that.  God done took over there.  I had about decided not to go out that night.  I was on the way to call but when I passed the door somethin' made me put on my coat and go.  I didn't just find you; I was lead right to you.  Sometimes we just got to trust that the right answer will come get us if we can't find it ourselves."

Fred gave Jessie a grade A Elf hug.  "You are one special lady, Jessie.  Thank you."

Fred walked away and then disappeared as he reached Bart.

*  *  *

Several days later

The Nursing Home was as plush as any five star hotel.  The man lying in the bed did at least look the part.  About five foot eight inches tall, three hundred pounds and a full fluffy white beard.  The records Fred had reviewed showed he had always made the 'Good List' and as an adult he had more 'good deeds' than a blizzard had snow flakes.  Fred pulled up a chair, Louis XVI, if he wasn't mistaken (and he wasn't), "What do you want, Kid?"

"Well, Sir, You have spent your life doing good deeds."

"Bah!  A lot of good all that did.  I'm still here dying and nobody gives a Damn!" (Sorry Dad, but that's what he said, Honest.)

"I don't understand, sir."

"Of course not, squirt.  You think I did all that goody-goody stuff because I was nice?" a few minutes of coughing.  "Bah!  I did it to get my name in the paper so people would see it and know my name.  Worked pretty well.  Made a lot more money than I spent on those silly charities.  Yet with all that, I lay here with cancer and nothing the quacks try is stopping it;" more coughing.

Fred said his goodbyes and escaped.  That was the best candidate he had found so far, and he was a huge hypocrite!  Out front he disappeared, and he and Bart reluctantly returned to the North Pole.

Fred thought Beatrice had grown quite a bit in the last week.  The other boys were doing their school work and watching out for their new Mom.  It was a happy reunion but Fred didn't sleep very well and the next day he realized he was very frustrated and asked for an appointment with the Big Guy.  He was shown in with no waiting.

"Ho, ho, ho.  Good to see you again Fred.  Any luck?" Santa asked, smiling as always.

"Sir, it is very frustrating.  I find someone who would be excellent and then their spouse is a disaster or they look perfect on the surface and turn out to be total hypocrites."

"Fred, relax; You don't have to find him right away.  He may not be ready yet.  As I said, a good candidate only comes along every two or three hundred years.  You just need to be active in that world and keep a lookout for the right person.  Now the good thing is only one needs to still be living.  The soul of a soulmate is always near even if they passed years ago."

"That's good to know Santa.  It is hard for me because I love you so.  It is going to be very hard to replace you."

"Now Fred, The new Santa will be Santa.  He may have some new ideas, just like I did.  After all I wasn't a huge deal at first.  Then that Dickens character with 'Ghosts of Christmas, Bah Humbug!'... Well children are scared of ghosts and I couldn't very well let that happen...I still remember when that Rockwell boy saw me delivering his presents the year he was six, and remembered what I looked like, and made the painting of me that he sold to Coke, when he grew up, Now everyone recognizes me."

"Yes sir, that is when things really got fun up here, once you took over."

"Ho, ho, ho.  Now it's time for us to move on and get some new blood up here.  We need someone who is more in tune with today's kids.  It's really hard to keep in touch these days, I don't know all this computer stuff and what in the world is wrap music?"

"That's Rap music, if you can call it music. Even though, I would put the letter C if front of it."

"Oh, and don't worry, Santa.  Even adult Humans say they need a ten-year-old to set the time on their digital watch."  Fred replied, smiling, hoping to cheer up the Big Guy.

"Ho, ho, ho.  Well said, Fred.  I have someone for you to check out.  His name is Samuel Thomas Nicholas.  Go and check him out and be back for the blessed event.  I certainly don't want Bea after me.  She can deal quite a sting... Ho, ho, ho."
 
"Why do you think I call her Honey all the time?"

Fred found himself in another nursing home.  This one was shabby and understaffed.  He found Sam T. Nicholas in a hospital bed.  His body was worn out but his eyes showed his mind was as alert as ever.  When Fred entered the room, Sam pushed the button that raised his bed.  "I don't believe it.  Did I pass?  I never thought I would get to meet a real live Elf."

Fred was astonished to say the least. "How did you know?"

Sam smiled, "They don't let anybody in here to visit.  If we get a visitor they wheel us to a nice room near the office.  I figured only one of Santa's finest could make it back here.  Or an angel, but I don't really think I'm dead, I still hurt.  By the way, your disguise is perfect."

"Actually this is the way I look; not at all Elf-like.  Santa wanted me to come see you."

"Ha, ha, ha.  I knew he was real.  I sure wish I could see the North Pole before I die."

"Something like that might be possible.  Would you tell me about yourself?"

Fred spent hours and hours with Sam and learned quite a bit about him.  He would be a fine Santa but his wife had been narrow minded and downright mean sometimes.  Sam had loved her and overlooked her faults, Love is blind. 

After a week, Fred returned to the North Pole to report to Santa.  "Sir, I like Sam a lot.  He even knew I was an Elf right off.  If it was just him I would say we found our next Santa..."

"There is a but, isn't there?"

"I'm afraid so, Sir.  Mrs. Nicholas, well she could never be a Mrs. Claus.  Not no-way, Nada, Nyet  no how."

"A shame.  Sam always was such a good person.  I wonder if there is any special gift we could give him?"

"Sir?  If I may... He asked to see the Pole before he passed."

"Hmm, I will check and see what can be arranged."

The next day something extraordinary happened, Santa's office was engulfed in a golden glow and only the oldest of the Elves knew what that meant.  Santa had contacted the Angels and they were in special conference.  This was only the second time this Santa had requested an audience.  The Elves were all curious and gathered waiting to hear what had gone on.  They were disappointed when only Fred was called into the office after the glow dissipated.

A very nervous Fred entered the office.  Santa was not alone.  There was an angel, white wings, halo, the whole shootin' match.  Santa made the introductions, "Fred, this is Hans, Hans this is the Elf I mentioned, Fred."

Hans smiled at Fred and Fred felt warmth and love fill his soul. 

Santa continued, "Hans has been assigned to assist you.  It is almost Sam's time and we have been granted special grace to bring his soul here before he has to continue."

Fred was recovering, "How much time?  It's almost Bea's time too."

Hans laughed, "Don't worry, Fred, We will have Sam all cared for before Beatrice delivers that very special package."

"I guess you would know."

"Ho, ho, ho.  You two go take care of business."

"Fred, good to see you again.  Who is this... Oh, at least I rate an angel.  I was worried about that."

Hans stepped forward, "I have been assigned to escort you.  My name is Hans."

"So, Hans, how does this work?"

"There is no rush.  Is there anyone you wish to say goodbye to?"

Sam laughed, "My two kids don't really give a... [Dad won't let me use that word, but that's what he said, honest.] they are just are waiting for an inheritance they think they're getting, but they aren't getting  nearly what they think they are.  I left it all to a foundation that looks after abused kids, The Phoenix Foundation.  Boy are they going to be surprised when my lawyer reads the will to them. I left each of them one thousand dollars and twenty eight cents, enough that they can't break the thing.  I made it out before I came in here and I reaffirm it every year.  I did that yesterday so the timing would be perfect."

"Well then, if you are ready, take my hand."

Sam took the Angel's hand and a golden glow surrounded them all and Sam was then standing next to his bed.  "Wow, Praise the Lord!  I feel wonderful.  No Pain and I feel thirty again."

Fred giggled, "You look thirty again, actually better.  Hans, who's idea, was the plaid shorts?"

Hans grinned, "Only the Angels wear the robes and only when called for.  The choice is usually the individual's but sometimes the Boss..."

Sam looked down, "Oh my... God picked out Madris Bermuda Shorts for me?  I haven't had a pair since the 60's."

Hans grinned, "He knows us better than we know ourselves."

"Far out, Surfs UP!"

Fred was laughing at Sam's antics.  "Come on, let's go.  I think you are going to like this next stop, Sam."

Sam spent a week with Santa and as his time was drawing to a close he was curious about his next adventure.  When he was alone with Hans, Santa and Fred he asked. "Can you tell me about Heaven?"

"Just what do you want to know?" Hans replied.

"Well who will be there?"

"Ho, ho, ho.  That is always the question isn't it.  Well, I can tell you, you will be very surprised by who you see."

Hans nodded then added, "You will also be surprised by who you don't see."

"Mable?"

"Ho, ho, ho.  She never made the good list, even as a little girl.  I know you loved her, but she was very much like your children."

Sam sighed, "I kind of expected that.  I'm sorry but not surprised.  What about Bingo?"

Hans looked puzzled.  Fred smiled, "I remember the Christmas you asked for a puppy.  Your parents didn't think it was a good idea.  I kept him company outside and scratched at the door until you heard.  Your parents were kind of stuck once you got your hands on him."

"He was special.  He listened to me and he was never mad at me.  I sure would like to see him again."

Santa smiled; There is a Poem, written by an anonymous author, that tells you all about it.  It's called the 'Rainbow Bridge':

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. 
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...

Sam was crying when Santa finished reciting the poem.  He looked at Hans, "I think I'm ready.  Can we go get Bingo now?"

"Yes I think he's waited long enough.  Come on Fred, let's take this soul home."

Sam watched as they drew closer and closer to the rainbow.  There was Bingo waiting wagging his tail and barking just like he did waiting for the bus to return his boy every day from school.  Sam hugged his beloved and Hans and Fred looked on smiling. 

When Bingo and Sam calmed down Fred noticed several dogs and cats looking at the reunion with longing.  "Hans?  Why are they looking so forlorn?"

Those are the abandoned pets.  They were loved for a short time then their people found that unconditional love was too much of a bother.

"Isn't there somewhere they could find the love they deserve and be able to share their love?"

"Why you clever Elf.  I shall speak to a friend of mine; I think he will know just the right thing to do."

Fred watched as Hans, Sam and Bingo crossed the bridge and then he was back at the North Pole.

Joe, Fred's human son, came running, "Dad!  Dad!  Hurry, it's time!"

"Time?"

"MOM!"

Fred arrived in time to accompany Bea into the delivery room.  A beautiful Elf baby was soon born.

The doctor told Fred, "Congratulations, It's a nice healthy..."

Fred fainted.

Author's Notes:
Wow, I really enjoyed this year's story.  Fred still has a search to conduct; maybe he will have better luck next year.  What would ever happen if there wasn't a Santa anymore?  And what made Fred faint?  
You know Str8mayb; Cliff Hangers are fun, as long as you aren't the one hanging.  He, he, he.
            Neal

Editor's Notes:
He did it again.  I better watch out or the little bugger will be a better writer than I am.  Oh don't go there Darryl or TSL.  Jeez©.
Very well done and I'm already looking forward to the next installment.  Is it a boy, girl or reindeer?  Who will the next Santa be?  And how do I make my voice do this?
            Str8mayb

Darryl's Notes: No anchovies? Click!  Whaaaaaaaaaa-ut? Oh wrong bit. Never mind. 
Neal, you did a great job. You seem to be getting better every year. I am proud of you, and you did a good job on that cliffhanger too. We might just make an Evil Author out of you yet.

Darryl AKA The radio Rancher

Fort Chief Editor's Notes: Neal you outdid yourself this year, you are getting better and better every year. Well except for one teeny, tiny thing you learned a bad thing from Str8mayb!!! Cliffhangers, how could you? I would never do that now would I?

            Also sorry I had to put some '©'s' in your story but 'Goos' said I had to stop people like "David Miller" from stealing your property.

            Tell Uncle Darryl I used a "Spatula" to remove the "anchovies" :)

The Story Lover